The Vern’s Top 5 Essential Horror Movie Survival Tips


attack-the-block-hallway1I may be the last person you would ever want in helping you survive anything at all.  Let’s face facts.  If there was some sort of zombie outbreak or a group of cannibalistic hillbillies, or a pissed off Asian ghost child attacking people.  I’m the first one to be killed off.  Well no maybe not the first one, I would most likely be the comic one note.  The one that would last through most of the movie with his jokes and his comments about how f__ed up everything is.  You know, ease the tension a little bit.  But soon my antics would get annoying and before long.  I would be killed in the most gruesome way ever.  Still, since I am the comic relief of this scenario.  My death would be somewhat ironic.  Like if for example.  I mention that I hate the music by Train(God, do I hate that band. That song Hey Soul Sister is terrible with badly written lyrics, and that stupid ukulele playing. I hate em..) I would be hit by one while the conductor played one of their songs.   That is my demise if I ever was put into a horror situation.  However since most of you who read this are of the normal variety.  Whatever the hell that means I’m sure that you will do the right thing and grab your supplies from Man Crates(yup that’s right people I’m doing a product placement  here).  The only gift package you haft to open with a crowbar.


mancrates 2




As you can see there are many great things one can get inside these units, even ones for surviving a zombie outbreak of which I would be killed of instantly.  Especially if the un-dead can run.  Still here are 5 steps to make sure you survival is a lot  better then mine.


Top 5 things to bring with you in any Horror situation.

  1.  Bats or anything really long so  you don’t have to get too close to the killer.  I know most people will say a bow or a rifle.  But guns can run out of bullets and you could miss with an arrow as well.  A big heavy bat or an ax will do the job much better.  Just make sure you can hold it and that it’s easy to maneuver too.



2.  Make everyone in your group has phone services from all the companies.  Sprint, T-Mobile, Verizon, Virgin.  One of those providers should have good coverage



3.   Bring Alcohol.  Beer, Whiskey, Bourbon.  It doesn’t matter as long as it’s strong.  The stronger your drink  is.  The better you will be.  Trust me , it will be way easier going after someone like The Firefly family when you are shit faced wasted



4.   Get a map, and no I don’t mean get directions from your GPS.  I’m talking about a real paper map and a compass.  Also do a little research before you go off into an area you’re not familiar with.



5.  When some really odd looking guy at a gas station is telling you about some really awful thing that has happened where your heading.  Listen to him OK.  He’s is not just some coot or some drunk redneck.  OK that isn’t something to bring, it’s just common sense.  Don’t forget to bring that too.

pet semetary


For more ways you can survive any type of situations.  Horrific or not.  Check out Man Crates.  I sure hope I’m getting paid well for this type of awesome advertising I’m giving them.


Visit Site Here

About The Vern

I love movies and I enjoy writing about them too. They both go pretty much hand in hand with each other and it's fun to discover new classics. I co host the podcasts The Film Pasture, ScreenTrax, and soon Cinema Recall. While also contributing reviews and articles to other great sites when I can.
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7 Responses to The Vern’s Top 5 Essential Horror Movie Survival Tips

  1. Chris says:

    Can see you are getting into the spirit of Halloween! That’s a useful (and delicious) suvival kit you have there. Yeah, those Blair Witch kids should have done their research

  2. Jay says:

    Keep that cell phone charged!!!

  3. Brittani says:

    lol I love how you said everyone should have a different phone provider. That was a nice touch.

  4. The Vern says:

    just think of how cool cell phone commercial would be if their company had better service when you are being in a life or death situation

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