Movie Jail Relay Race.

movie_jail1-300x157

Holy Hanna Buckets. I can’t believe someone out there trusts me enough to free a certain celebrity and then incarcerate one in its place.  That is a lot of power to give someone and I can’t belive that Joe from Two Dude Review  would give me that kind of  power.  WOW.    I just gotta let this soak in for a bit.  I mean it’s not everyday you get to change a life for the better for one person.  Then get to destroy  another right away. Well maybe Kim Jong Un does but I don’t.  Well this wasn’t easy but I did make a choice.  If you don’t like it, you can just suck it or send all hate comments and emails to TheVern@videovangaurd.com

If you don’t already know.  The Movie Relay Jail was created by  Nostra of My Filmviews  and Terrence of  The Focused Filmographer.

The Rules are.

It’s time to put some movie people in jail. The object is to give a prosecutor’s argument as to why these movie people belong in “Movie Jail” whether it be for violating the integrity of the content source of one their films, or being a sell-out, just making bad movies overall, getting worse as time goes on or not being in a good movie for many years. The baton will be passed to another blogger who will have to do the following:

In order to free someone from Movie Jail they have to do 2 things

1 – Give a defense attorney argument defending the plaintiff

2 – Pay bail: the cost of which is another case for the court and a prosecutor’s argument against the actor/director of their choice that will replace the one set free.

There must always be 10 people in Movie Jail.

Attorneys of Record

1. My Filmviews / The Focused Filmographer

2. Cinematic Corner

3. And So It Begins…

4. Surrender to the Void

5. Cinematic Paradox

6. The Cinematic Spectacle

7. Being Norma Jean

8. Defiant Success

9. …let’s be splendid about this

10. Lime Reviews and Strawberry Confessions

11. Aziza’s Picks

12. Flixchatter

13. i luv cinema

14. Public Transportation Snob

15. The Warning Sign

16. 3 Guys 1 Movie

17. Cutting Edge Creativity

18. BLANK PAGE BEATDOWN

19. Morally Oblogatory

20. Knights of Mars Roundtable

21. Head In A Vice

22. MikesFilmTalk

23. Cinema Schminema

24. Isaacs Picture Conclusions

25. Hard Ticket to Home Video

26. filmhipster

27. Committed to Celluloid

28. Two Dude Review

Currently Incarcerated

Jason-Friedberg-Aaron-Seltzer

Katherine-Heigl

Shia-LaBeouf

Shia-LaBeouf

Paul-Anderson

Paul WS Anderson

James-Spader

James-Spader

Lindsay-Lohan

Lindsay-Lohan

Dane-Cook-300x238

Dane-Cook-

Kevin-Smith-300x194

Kevin-Smith

Anna-Faris

Anna-Faris

Brett-Ratner

Brett-Ratner

This was not an easy task for me.  All of the ones convicted here have done enough cinematic crimes to be put in jail for a long time.  However there is one felon I believe  has been put on this list mainly because people only associate her with a certain franchise of spoof films.  That person is Anna Farris.

Anna-Faris

Miss Farris is mainly known for the Scary Movie flicks and while those movies are getting worse with each entry.  The first two are actually still good and in her defense Miss Farris declined to star in the 5th entry.  She has also provided her voice to the Alvin and The Chipmunk sequels and while those movies are utter shit.  I don’t blame that solely on her performance but on the horrible writing.  Many of this actresses best performances are ones that haven’t been seen and therefore are forgotten about.  Anna Farris had a great supporting role in the horror movie May as Polly. The office secretary where the main character works.  She also starred in the comedy Smiley Face where she played one of the best stoner characters in the past ten years.  I also want to give her praise for her work in Observe and Report where she plays the object of Seth Rogen’s character’s obsession.  It was a very dark comedy and I’m glad that she did not hold back in creating a unsympathic character that made me laugh at rather than laugh with. She was also good in My Super Ex Girlfriend, Waiting, The House Bunny, and Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs, and Lost in Translation.  The only thing I would suggest is that for comedic roles she stays as a blonde, but for more serious roles she goes back to her dark hair.  At least for the first few features.

 

Now it’s time for me to put someone in jail.  This was not an easy deal because everyone has made a few mistakes but they have been able to bounce back. As I was going through my list there was one person who not only is a bad actor, but a horrible writer, director and producer.  That person is Tyler Perry.  Mr. Perry is best known for his role as Madea.  A loud talking woman who helps support the racist stereotypical characteristics of black woman everywhere.  Watching Madea is like watching a white male actor do black face and then have that same person dress like a woman.  It’s not only offensive to black people but to women of all races as well. This becomes even more upsetting because his movies make a lot of money every time they are released.  He’s also solely responsible by ruining a great literary character called Alex Cross. Great men like Morgan Freeman have portrayed him and if Idris Elba declined. The production should have stopped right away.  All of Tyler’s movies(even the dramatic ones) follow the same beats and they all feature a women who has an asshole boyfriend who usually gets a mouthful from either Madea or some other character and his movies usually all end with a moral that had nothing to do with the story itself.

Tyler_Perry_2013

Tyler_Perry

Guilty as Charged

I now give up my robe and gavel and hand them off to the Staff  over at French Toast Sunday

About The Vern

I love movies and I enjoy writing about them too. They both go pretty much hand in hand with each other and it's fun to discover new classics. I co host the podcast The Film Pasture and As You Watch. While also contributing reviews and articles to other great sites when I can.
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15 Responses to Movie Jail Relay Race.

  1. Nostra says:

    Thanks for joining! I can understand your choice for Perry…not a big fan either!

  2. theipc says:

    Excellent work including the May clip!!! Great post!!

  3. Tyler Perry was on my short list, too. It’s amazing that he still churns out that Madea garbage.

  4. Awesome to see this relay race still alive and thriving. I’ve never actually seen a Tyler Perry movie but can’t say I’m surprised to see him included here based on what I’ve heard. This is looking like an awful bunch of inmates now. 🙂

  5. ninvoid99 says:

    Thank you for putting Tyler Perry in jail. Say, who is the asshole that took away my pick Raja Gosnell?

  6. mistylayne says:

    Excellent choice to put in jail. I think Tyler Perry does a great disservice to a LOT of people with his “films”.

  7. I was very surprised to see another entry into the relay race. Good to see it still alive! Tyler Perry is a good choice. Thanks for being a part of the relay race!

    what would you say is Perry’s worse film?

    • The Vern says:

      Your Welcome, It was a lot of fun. Hmm Perry’s worst film. Wow I think a more better question would be what is Perry’s best film. I don’t have an answer for that one either.

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